hm.

[phineasjones]

so, i think i arrived at a decision the other day to find myself some therapy. i've had the idea at the back of my mind for quite a while now. but i've been avoiding it whenever possible. i hate the whole concept that i get stuck in these ruts that i can't get out of without help. professional help, apparently. it happened after college. and i didn't get out of it until i saw a therapist who helped get off my ass and apply to grad school. and now it's happening again and i might as well acknowledge it. if i were advising someone else in my place, i would tell her not to worry about pride and such, just get whatever help she needs. it's really hard to take your own advice in these matters. it's hard not to feel like i'm failing because i can't do this on my own.

i mean, is this going to happen every time i go through some major life change? i'm getting older... will i ever be able to handle this shit on my own? i feel like my abilities to handle my own life have only gone down hill in past years. when i have structure, i'm ok. i excelled in both college and grad school and then just stagnated when i wasn't in school. except in other structured environments, like church. i have no source of self-motivation. why? it's not like i have nothing i want or need to do, it's just that i have no way to make myself do it. and i know how frustrating it must be for people who care about me to see - rach, my parents, my friends - because it frustrates me that much and more.

so, yeah. i'm not going to pretend i know how to fix this on my own anymore. get some help. i'm fortunate enough to have family who will help foot the bill, i might as well do what i can for myself. yeah. but it still feels sad and frustrating not to be able to pull myself out of this.

Comments

[srik.livejournal.com]

good for you! big decisions like this are scary, can i be proud of you, without being condescending? i think so...

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

Fark. I have an interview at my uni tomorrow about the fact that I'm failing all my classes because I'm ridiculously depressed, and I think I need to see a therapist too. It's strange how these sorts of coincidences pop up on your friends page...

I must say that overcoming my pride to go to one of these things is a big challenge. :)

[cimness.livejournal.com]

if therapy *works* to motivate you--if it's a viable "fix"--then it seems to me you're amazingly well-adjusted. therapy has no effect on me except annoyance. and, well, if that kind of structure helps you, that's good, right? at least it's a key--you just need to look for structure. structure chafes me and makes me even more depressed and insane. which is highly unfortunate in school, as i'm sure you can imagine. >.

[fearlessdiva.livejournal.com]

It's funny how we have all these issues attached to seeking help for a mental/spiritual/emotional problem, when most of us will blithely run off to a doctor without thinking twice about it.

I was saying this to Mr. Diva just the other day. How is this really any different than going to see your MD when you've got an infection? There's an imbalance, you find the proper treatment to restore (or gain) balance. Sure, therapy is a lot more work than just going to the doctor and getting a prescription for antibiotics (sadly), but I've really gotten to the point where I see it all as being a part of the same process. I don't see going to a counselor as any different from going to an MD, or a massage therapist, or an accupuncturist. It's just all a part of trying to find the very best way you can of taking care of yourself.

And it's a learning process, too, sweetie. Just because you don't have the tools right now to pull yourself out of your doldrums, doesn't mean you won't in the future. I spent most of my life horribly depressed, suicidal at times, stuck in that space and didn't really see a way out of it. But I spent a lot of years in therapy, and tried a bunch of different stuff and eventually got to the point where I figured out what works to pull myself out of it. But it took nearly twenty years to get to the point I'm at now. And I still have minor spells of feeling moody, but they're very short and never very serious. I have the tools I need now to head off a big depression at the pass. So you may get to the point where you are able to figure out what you need to pull yourself out by your bootstraps. But don't feel bad that you need someone to teach you how to do it. That's sort of like feeling bad that you needed someone to teach you how to read. Sure, some people teach themselves to read, but not very many, and how silly is it to imagine that we could get through life without the input and assistance of other people or without giving assistance and input to others?

We spend all these years being taught ways of being in the world that don't work for shit, and then beat ourselves up because they don't work and we don't know what else to do. And everyone's best course is unique, so of course it takes a lot of work to figure it out, and also to learn to ignore the well-meant suggestions of other people which don't work for you. It's no wonder that most of us need therapy/12 step groups/etc. and that those that aren't going really probably ought to be.

Just know that my prayers are with you, and that I am certain that you are going to find everything you need to express your life in the fullest way with the greatest joy.

[dancingrain.livejournal.com]

I'm looking for a good, open-minded therapist in our area, too. Let me know if you find anyone good... and congrats/luck on taking the step.

[starbuckle.livejournal.com]

oh shit! i so wished i'd been around here yesterday to hold your hand, not that you needed it, but -- shit shit shit. i'll have to settle for being waaaaay down here on the supportive list -- but here nonetheless. i hope you knew that i would be here for you even if i'm late in showing it.

ok, self-aggrandizing over and done with. now, for the support:

counseling has been my friend for many years, even at uptight, conservative Notre Dame. it's not a cure-all, but it can shove you in the right direction, especially when you're already leaning that way and you just need a push. that was usually me -- well-intentioned but occasionally missing The Point, whatever it was at the time. so, as far as i'm concerned, if you have the wherewithal and the intention to be in a counseling kind of situation, go be in it -- it's always at least worth a try, even if it doesn't immediately yield results.

there's my long-winded :::hug::: on that topic.

:::loves you:::

more support

[hominidj.livejournal.com]

i think you know where i stand on the whole therapy thing. i think just about everyone needs it. and it's not just about fixing something broken, it's also about regular maintenance. not that i don't have some shame about it, but i know at least intellectually that it is a very basic need. having a therapist is like having someone who's sole purpose in your life is to observe you and look for patterns in your behavior and the way you think and feel and then suggest how some patterns might be better than others in terms of reaching the goals you have set, some might benefit from some tweeking, etc. what's great about that is that you can bitch all you want without worrying about what the person you're bitching to thinks about you. you can say all of things that you would be too ashamed to say to some else, even the people who care about you most. and your therapist won't judge you! it's great! once you've gotten the bitching out of the way you can get down to how you are going to deal with the problems you have. i can't recommend it enough. and please don't think that you are a spoiled brat. you may be more fortunate than some people, but that doesn't mean that you don't have problems. and if you have the means to address those problems, then why not address them. you have health insurance and many people do not. if you were sick you'd take full advantage of that, right? but you don't think that makes you a spoiled brat, right? i think it's a similar deal.