phineasjones

finally finished the book. (  early, rambling reactions. spoilers. )

omg! i can't believe i forgot to mention this. rach and i went to see OotP last night. i liked it so much better this time. ( why? )

yeah. i still don't love it but i don't think i've actually loved any of the hp movies. but i like this one much more than i did at first. which is nice. :)

the friend i was talking about earlier - the one who loves hp - wanted to read some of my fic. so i linked her to some of my sirius/remus, which she read while we were on g-chat. which, yes, is about as comfortable as watching someone read something you've written. so, not comfortable. but i kept walking away from the computer and cleaning the kitchen to distract myself. anyway, while she was reading ruse, we had this exchange.

A: lupin has a boner!
A: nice.
phin: ahaha. glad you appreciate the finer nuances of my writing.

and while we were chatting, i got all nostalgic for pre-book 6 hp fandom. it was great, man. i miss it. sigh.

so. i promised this post. now i have to figure out what it is i wanted to say.

i have been more than just out of the hp loop lately. i have been in other, far distant loops. once upon a time, i used to say that i couldn't really get into fanfic based on tv shows. that i was more a book or movie fanfic kind of gal. ahahaha. right. then there was sga. and then, there was due south.

thing is, i was primed and ready for new fandoms a little over a year ago. and why was that? because, truly, i had fallen out of love with hp. and why was that? i believe that was a direct result of book 6. which... to be honest, i don't even remember in great detail at this point. it's the only hp book i've read only once. i remember two things clearly; the sense of yuckiness and dread i had when i finished reading it and the catastrofuck that was remus/tonks.

to be clear here, i am not fundamentally opposed to tonks or to remus/tonks. before this book, i liked tonks a lot. and i don't want remus to suffer forever if he has a chance at happiness. really, i don't. but what jkr did with them in that book is... inexcusable. trashy. crappy. poop. it makes me angry to think about it, even now. and i don't blame myself for needing a break from hp. because, yeah, i know my otp thing is a bit over the top. but it's there. and my emotional response to these characters is huge. HUGE. so... i felt manipulated and abused after reading book 6. and i can take the responsibility for being overly attached to characters in a supposed children's book. sure. but it doesn't change the way i feel.

but what this post is supposed to be about is how suddenly i've started thinking about hp again. for several reasons.

1. this horrifying picture, brought to my attention by hominidj. ::scrubs brain::
2. um. july 21. (brought to my attention by anabelwumpkins - that's how out of it i am! i didn't even know!) it's coming and there's nothing i can do to stop it. i am terrified to read the last book. i do not trust that woman. AT ALL.
3. discussing in comments the pain of loving sirius/remus with mrsronweasley
4. dorrie6's new (renewed?) obsession with remus. i haven't read those fics yet. but i'm going to. i can feel it coming.
5. last thursday, i was a wreck. a week's worth of not enough sleep compiled to make me an emotional basket case. in this state, i was driving to school and listening to regina spektor's new album on which she has a version of the song samson. which will always be about sirius and remus for me. thanks to jjtaylor and the heartbreaking fic she wrote, inspired by that song. so, i started to think about that. and i started to cry. goddammit. i haven't cried over those boys in so long. and in my new fandom, my beloved new fandom due south, there can be a HAPPY ENDING. hear that jkr??? it makes me think maybe it wasn't only the craptasticness of what jkr did in book 6 that sent me away, but also the unending pain of loving sirius/remus. in the beginning - you know, around books 3 and 4 - it was good pain. pain that could turn around into bittersweet goodness. and then it just plummeted further and further into the pit of despair. a girl needs a break from that, doesn't she?

for your reference:
samson by regina spektor (from songs, my preferred version)
your hair was long when we first met - heart-rending fic by jjtaylor

so all this leaves me with a tentative desire to read sirius/remus again. sort of. i can't decide what sirius/remus i would want to read. what era? what... outlook? i mean, we're at a point with them in which reading a happy ending-fic is really no happier than a tragic one. it all ends the same anyway. doesn't it? and here it comes, the final word. july 21. will we hear from sirius in any way? will remus up and get married? die? what? oh, right and then there's this kid named harry...

it would be too absolutely, horrifically ridiculous for me to have just stubbed my toe again. so let's just say i didn't. yes, we'll say that.

my dad suggested snow shoes. that seems like a pretty good idea to me at this point.

but i'm not here for a pity party. i want to talk HBP. well, really, i want you to talk HBP. i haven't read anyone's thoughts yet and now i'm dying to. i'll go a-trolling for them, but if you were inclined to link me to anything you've typed up, or anything you've read and found particularly eloquent or interesting, i'd be eternally grateful.

i'm still a little dumbfounded myself, but i'll try to scrape up some ( initial reactions )

Title: One Is For You
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: It should be completely obvious that if I had any right to these characters, many things would be very different.
Gratitude: Huge thanks to starbuckle, jjtaylor and madmadharri for beta.
Author's notes: This story is loosely based on ani difranco's song the diner. It is dedicated to musesfool, who requested it as a prize for winning a text slash challenge. Thank you, Victoria, for getting me off my ass and working on this story. And for all the wonderful writing you put out into the world.

( One Is For You )

anniesj, i was going to write you smut. really. but. nope. you asked for sirius/remus involving water. that made me think of the raymond carver poem where water comes together with other water. which has the lines,

I'm 45 years old today.
Would anyone believe it if I said
I was once 35?
My heart empty and sear at 35!
Five more years had to pass
before it began to flow again

which in turn made me think of his poem, rain which has these lines,

Would I live my life over again?
Make the same unforgivable mistakes?
Yes, given half a chance. Yes.

which led me to write something. in which sirius comes back. i am generally not supportive of such fics, because i need to believe he's really dead for my own mental health. and this fic is kind of about that. yes. kind of. and i think this is a draft... may send to beta. not sure. thanks to mmm_cake for checking for spelling and typos.

( rain. sirius/remus.  )

for the Veela Inc Valentine's Day Challenge
Title: All Souls' DAy
Author: phineas
Author's e-mail: phineasjones@livejournal.com
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Spoilers: for PoA and GoF
Summary: Remus waits. Sirius returns.
Author's notes: all of you who have been reading along here know what this little story did to me. i am so glad to have done it though and i am eternally grateful to those who helped me. annelarissa, starbuckle, fearlessdiva and cimorene111 provided invaluable and insightful beta commentary. cim and wax_jism were great with the calming and coaching along the way. and special thanks to wax for the tips on forestry.

( all souls' day )