fragile as a leaf in autumn

[phineasjones]

this is already shaping up to be a better day than yesterday. i wasn't even awake yesterday at this time. but today i've already accomplished several things. this is very very good. and i have one more churchy thing to do before i head off to the office.

mmm... overly sweetened dregs of the morning's pot of coffee. tasty.

and i've already had my heart broken and put back together by ivyblossom today.

so, this isn't really anything new... but i was just thinking these incredibly tragic thoughts about my beloved remus. for ridiculous people like scottxwl who haven't read PoA and GoF yet, i will cut away for these musings.

ok, so... how do you suppose remus found out about the goings on of the night harry's parents died? where was he when it all went down? and how much time elapsed before sirius went after peter and they had their little show down. would remus have been told all of that at once? can you frickin imagine? hi remus, i just wanted to tell you that your three best friends are dead. killed at the hand of or as a result of the betrayal of your lover. oh yeah and he also killed a dozen innocent people. but hey, cheer up, voldemort's gone and baby harry survived. or worse... what if no one did tell him and he, like, read it in the paper or something.

i'm being rather flippant... mostly because i feel silly getting as worked up as i do about these thoughts. but i do. get worked up. and teary. for remus. funny, i feel for sirius. clearly, this was all just as horrible for him... one could say worse considering azkaban and all. but it's the thought of remus being completely alone and feeling betrayed that kills me. yup. over and over again.

Comments

[starbuckle.livejournal.com]

in my current listening-while-knitting trip through PoA, i keep thinking about things like those which you've mentioned -- the bits of backstory of these beloved characters -- and my heart just aches for all the wrongs that were done when the potters were killed, and that things are understood wrongly for so freakin' long. just -- [sigh]. it's not bad to feel this much, though, i think it's proof that JKR's done something brilliant. okies, that's it for my $0.02.

Re:

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

yay, i'm glad you're starting to get into this more. :) doesn't it just make every part of you ache? and that's exactly why they're such a lovely pairing - because you just have to feel like you say. whether you're reading/thinking about them before it all happens - but you're totally aware that it's going to - or after and you know how much they've been through and need to get beyond. ::sigh:: i love them. and i love your .02.

[oceans-of-jade.livejournal.com]

funny, i feel for sirius. clearly, this was all just as horrible for him... one could say worse considering azkaban and all. but it's the thought of remus being completely alone and feeling betrayed that kills me. yup. over and over again.

For myself, I know I feel more for Remus because of how their reactions are presents. Sirius, upon finding out Lily and James were killed, goes mad with rage and hunts Peter down. With Remus, though, Rowling doesn't tell us exactly what happens. We're only given that quiet uncertainty with which he first approaches Sirius, the struggle between suspecting Sirius and wanting to believe him. I pity Sirius and his situation in Azkaban, but he feeds off his anger in order to live long enough for revenge. Remus, on the other hand, has nothing to blunt the sharp pain of the apparent betrayal of a friend/lover and the death of his three closest friends. And the injustice of him not knowing the truth for all those years, living with those horrible thoughts and having to live with the rumors of what Sirius did, just tears me up inside.

Just my own view on things. ^__^; I don't often get the chance to mourn Remus's beautifully tragic life with a fellow HP lover.

Re:

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

yeah, exactly. and i can't help but imagine remus blaming himself in some ways too - since he was so close to all of them. especially sirius (in my mind anyway). and then to think they were all betrayed by him... he must have asked himself why he never saw it? blame himself for not being able to prevent it. quietly, like you said. sadly. he seems so quiet and sad even when harry and friends first see him. it breaks my heart.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

well, that would have sucked, but they weren't necessarily lovers at the time, which is in some ways worse, and in some ways better.

Re:

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

well, yeah. it would suck regardless of whether they were already lovers. but it's hard for me to get my brain around the possibility that they weren't. and, well, really i don't see much point in trying very hard. *g*

[cimness.livejournal.com]

spock: so you agree that anything that commits an error must be destroyed?
machine: yes.
spock: and you say that this man is a frog!
machine: yes.
spock: YOU ARE IN ERROR! you must be destroyed!
machine: ::emits smoke:: error... error...
spock: jim, get down!
machine: ::explodes::
spock and jim: ::dive away from the blast and land entangled::

...but did you, or did you not say to me that you were going to consider my and wax's story as CANON now, above even rowling's?

::pen poised::

...perhaps we should define some terms here.

Re:

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

um...

first, hahaha re: spock and kirk.

now... what are you saying? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING???

[cimness.livejournal.com]

::buffs fingernails::

Re:

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

hey!!!

erch. mef. hehk. wait just a minute, here, finger buffing princess...

........
damn, i can't think of a single threat to get you talking... damn.

[cimness.livejournal.com]

i am wickedly spoilish. i will not give you any more hints. hopefully, you'll soon get to read the whole thing at once and will be surprised either way.