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phineasjonesi spend so much time contemplating them. playing out a thousand versions of their story. and they all hurt and they're all somehow beautiful.
i'm trapped in them now, having sat here all morning reading cim and wax's story instead of doing the things i need to.
why? you know, i really don't know this. i fall for other pairs, for other loves... frodo and sam. i believe that one completely and love them and sometimes, weepy girl that i am, i can cry a little for them. i understand how scott gets about willow and tara. for a while, i was dizzy with harry/draco possibilities. ivy can make me feel so much for them. but what the hell is it with these two? these two characters from a children's story who regularly undo me? i don't have to be reading about them, i can just contemplate them and find myself paralyzed.
there a degree to which it's empathy, something of which i may have too much... i get hurt for other people, feel embarrassed for other people, love with other people, feel afraid for them, get angry with them. it's what makes me so intensely concerned with people being nice to each other. because if someone's not, then i'm going to feel the hurt they cause - doesn't matter to whom. i don't even always like winning games or arguments because i immediately think about how my opponent must feel to lose.
so here's a story that catches me, no matter how it goes. no matter the details. there are so many pieces and any of them can catch me up.
i don't know. i have no point. i'm just rambling. i'm just crying about them again and wondering where it all comes from.
when cim tells me a moment is over-dramatic, i can see she's right. i can see it was me slipping in there for a minute and trying to tell everyone the scope of what's going on here. the epic tragedy of it all. it'll come through without me talking. it always does. you can't get away from it. i can't, anyway.
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Re: Willow & Tara
Date: 2003-02-13 02:49 pm (UTC)::breathes::
because i can't say anything i want to say in response to what you said. rrgrgr. except... nope. can't say that either.
but yeah, what you said here is brilliant. i would add on if it weren't going to spoil the bejeezus out of you. not that it seems remotely possible that you'll make it to the summer of 2004 without knowing some of these things...
how are you doing with this new willow gf?
Re: Willow & Tara
Date: 2003-02-13 03:48 pm (UTC)Yeah, right.
You know, if they just had Willow launch into another relationship, I would be devastated. But acknowledging the whole Tara thing, Willow's guilt, the near-recreation of Tara's death. It was perfect. It was closure for me. I know Tara is still in Willow's heart and I can let her move on.
Re: Willow & Tara
Date: 2003-02-14 08:28 am (UTC)yeah, good point. i like kennedy, personally. you're in a healthy place about this. if there were a similar sirius/remus situation, i think i would burn the books. they're 2getha 4eva and that's all there is to it.
hhahah. ok. no. not really. but. kind of.
Re: Willow & Tara
Date: 2003-02-14 08:57 am (UTC)Screaming up a shitstorm?!
Re: Willow & Tara
Date: 2003-02-14 09:02 am (UTC)