(no subject)

[phineasjones]

i saw camillafarfalla. she was talking better and even managed to smile quite a bit. and then there were also tears - not just hers - because, yes, this was our goodbye. like this weekend was our goodbye to claire. like all these days are turning into goodbyes.

i've never been as good as i am right now about planning and prepping and spending my time well. i'm actually doing the things i need to do to move across the country in just over a week. which is great. but as the departure date (7/14) draws closer, i feel less and less emotionally ready. i love northampton. i love my friends here and all over massachusetts (and new york and connecticut, etc). i love my family and being close to them. this is going to be hard. and i've known that all along but now i can really feel it. i look at a map of the country and i think about the multiple days - or hundreds of dollars - it takes to get from here to there and my breath vanishes.

i'm thirty. i'm a big girl. i know that i will be able to handle this. it's not that kind of fear. maybe it's not fear at all, just sadness. at parting from so many great people and such a great place. at the end of some kind of era of my life. it does help me to think about lj and its potential to keep me connected to people i love. but it will be different. so much will be different.

and so... i'll just pack three more boxes today and keep at it.

Comments

[sweet-merak.livejournal.com]

I'm so gonna miss you... But I have faith you'll be back. Years go by faster than I think they will.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

i'm going to miss you too, dude. wah. but... i just keep taking deep breaths and trying to remember all the good things i'm excited about. change is inevitable. right? right.

[camillafarfalla.livejournal.com]

I love you, sweetie. I wish we had gotten to talk about all of this and all sorts of other stuff this weekend. I'm going to do my damnedest to get out there to see you so we can - or at that point, talk about the stuff we need to then, which'll be different, hard as that is to believe right now.

Give me a call if you want in one of your breaks this week. And yeah, just keep at it. I'm gonna miss you so much.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

really, i cannot wait til i am there and settled and you are coming to visit. it is one of the happy thoughts that keeps me going through this craziness.

[adam-j-lupin.livejournal.com]

I just moved for the seventh time in the past 10 years of my life. I know that no matter how old you are, or how emotionally ready you think you are, it's still going to be hard, and it's still going to hurt. It is never fun, and it is always so much different, but I'm still here, and I'm still a happy as a person. I'm good for now, I know I'm going to be ok this time and I know you will be too, because I've read about you're coping skills in action and sometimes all you can ask for is good for now and ok this time, and once you realize you are, you know everything’s going to be alright.

::hugs:: Good Luck.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

yeah. i counted today and i've moved 8 times in 8 years. bleh. enough for a while. at least i know this one should last a while. but all of the moves up to now have been within this one tiny state.

but, yes, you're adviceis good and i know it. and i know everything will be ok. there's just that sadness that sneaks in because now is ok too. and it will be over soon.

::hugs:: thanks.