ootp

[phineasjones]

so. yeah, one year ago was ootp. and i have no love for the person on my flist who spoiled the crap out of me before the book was even out. NO LOVE for her. i will never read the book without knowing that sirius will die. that just sucks. and really... what were you thinking?????

i finished the book on june 24, and wrote about it several times that day.

what i've been pondering lately is how much it still hurts. i've been wondering whether i'm deeply psychologically troubled. i mean, why else would i sob for an hour in my car one year after finding out that a fictional character bit it? and that was just this saturday. there are fairly regular sobfests and tear-ups.

but just today, i had an idea for musesfool's lyric challenge (how long ago was that? heh). and it's sirius/remus and it's... happy. well, as happy as s/r can ever be, anyway. and i think it would be good for me to try to write it. just to stop wallowing in the tragedy for a few minutes and focus on the good parts. and there are many. which is why the tragedy is so fricking tragic.

Comments

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

yes. their relationship feels both inevitable and impossible. i feel like they are completely meant for each other... and in that way destined to suffer. god, it sucks. but it's also what makes them so goddamned tragically beautiful.

i cried all the way through ootp the first time, thanks to being spoiled. and then for days afterward. i mean, i used to cry for them before ootp. even though i could see happiness in their future at that point, it was always bittersweet. melancholy. it hurt in a really good way. now it just hurts.