ootp

[phineasjones]

so. yeah, one year ago was ootp. and i have no love for the person on my flist who spoiled the crap out of me before the book was even out. NO LOVE for her. i will never read the book without knowing that sirius will die. that just sucks. and really... what were you thinking?????

i finished the book on june 24, and wrote about it several times that day.

what i've been pondering lately is how much it still hurts. i've been wondering whether i'm deeply psychologically troubled. i mean, why else would i sob for an hour in my car one year after finding out that a fictional character bit it? and that was just this saturday. there are fairly regular sobfests and tear-ups.

but just today, i had an idea for musesfool's lyric challenge (how long ago was that? heh). and it's sirius/remus and it's... happy. well, as happy as s/r can ever be, anyway. and i think it would be good for me to try to write it. just to stop wallowing in the tragedy for a few minutes and focus on the good parts. and there are many. which is why the tragedy is so fricking tragic.

Comments

[anniesj.livejournal.com]

It's the impossible nature of that relationship that makes me tear up and rips my heart into smithereens. The utter tragedy of it all just overwhelms me. I didn't cry at the end of OotP, mostly because it was only a couple of weeks ago when I finally read it and wasn't really ATTACHED-attached to the characters yet, but I don't know if I could make it through dry-eyed again. Just because, fuck. Sad. *sniff*

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

yes. their relationship feels both inevitable and impossible. i feel like they are completely meant for each other... and in that way destined to suffer. god, it sucks. but it's also what makes them so goddamned tragically beautiful.

i cried all the way through ootp the first time, thanks to being spoiled. and then for days afterward. i mean, i used to cry for them before ootp. even though i could see happiness in their future at that point, it was always bittersweet. melancholy. it hurt in a really good way. now it just hurts.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

i've been wondering whether i'm deeply psychologically troubled. i mean, why else would i sob for an hour in my car one year after finding out that a fictional character bit it?

Believe me, I totally understand and wonder the same thing, because I am still not over it, and I can't bring myself to reread OotP except in small bits and sections. The idea of rereading it makes me angry because I can't understand what Rowling was thinking when she killed him. It makes no sense to me, story-wise, which just makes me angry. I mean, I can understand character death - Cordelia. Doyle. Theoden. These all made me cry, but they made sense in the context of the story. They didn't seem a product of sloppy writing. Sirius's death does.

Sigh.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

yeah, i'm putting trust in jkr (which she may not deserve) that she has a greater plan here. that this will one day make some kind of sense.

but the thing is... if i didn't adore sirius - and remus, i would say this is part of what i love about ootp. it's the rug being pulled out from under me as a reader in so many ways. so many characters that i have adored fail. harry, sirius, dumbledore... the formula of the other four books breaks apart in this one. the big climax where harry does something foolhardy and brave doesn't win the day this time, it kills someone he loves. and it's random and you don't feel it coming. which is part of why it's so completely painful. and it's not fair at all, given all sirius has suffered. which is how things happen. and... yeah. i hate it. but if i had the ability to stand back, i might almost appreciate it.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

the formula of the other four books breaks apart in this one. the big climax where harry does something foolhardy and brave doesn't win the day this time, it kills someone he loves.

*nod*

And I do appreciate that on some level, but I just get the feeling that the plot as written required everyone to be an idiot, rather than being an inevitable growth out of the characterization - I mean, yes, Harry is secretive, and Sirius is reckless, but there were so many other points at which she could have made things less sloppy and more sense-making.

I dunno.

I'd like to believe her when she says there was a good reason for it, but it's just not a satisfying death right now. I can't look at it and say, "Yes, Sirius had to die so X could happen."

Maybe after the next book I will. I hope so.

[starbuckle.livejournal.com]

i'll beta for you, if you'll have me.

in other news, my OotP-resonating thing lately has been harry's feeling at the very end of the book where when he's with people he thinks he'd rather be alone and when he's alone he thinks he'd rather have company.

talk about off-balance.

love you.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

i'll beta for you, if you'll have me.

eee! ::mwah::

talk about off-balance.

oh, baby. ::pets you:: yeah, i can totally feel that. ::sigh::