(no subject)

[phineasjones]

starbuckle's softball game got me pondering grudges. because the first basewoman on the opposing team is a woman i lived with during what i refer to as my Summer of Hell. she played a large role in making it hell. and thus i have carried a grudge against her lo these 7 (holy shit, 7!) years.

and now i ask, what is the fucking point? wouldn't i be happier if i let that one go? how does one go about letting a grudge go? i can remember some happy times with her - when we went swimming in the waterfall, when she tried to teach me to drive a stick (emphasis on 'tried'). but they are so overwhelmed by all the badness... which i don't need to recount here. i kind of feel like what i really need to let go of is my grudge against that whole summer. all the people who made me so miserable, the joblessness and the crappy jobs, the crappy house, the depression.

i kind of feel like it gets in the way of me being happy here now. now that it's summer and i'm here in noho again, i think of that time and it makes me angry all over again. it's so stupid.

how do you do it? how do you choose to let go of something like that?

and hm, i'm appreciating the irony of me thinking about this while at the same time i'm trying to figure out how one builds a grudge as powerful as snape's. hmmm. ::strokes beard::

Comments

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

It is a choice that you have to make ... maybe if you do a little ritual, you can figure out something like writing it all down on paper and burning it, and releasing all the bad feelings into smoke ... or folding it into origami swans and letting it float away on the river. So that you have actually physically given up the burden and consigned it to someplace else.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

i was thinking about that - the ritual possibility. and really, it does feel like it would be releasing a burden. it occurred to me as i watched her playing softball that she likely carried no burden... so why on earth should i? yeah.

[antheia.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could use the Snape piece as a catharthis. Pour the grudge into his character, so that when the story's over, the grudge will (in theory) be gone. ::shrug::

Lemme know if that works, 'cos I'm having a hard time letting go of a few of my own. ::cuddles::

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

yeah. writing snape could probably get anyone to forgive anyone else, given the way snape's grudge is the most utterly ridiculous and overdone thing ever. no one would want to live like he does.

and yeah, i'll let you know. ;)

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

I know how to keep a grudge and let it fester, and it's easier than you'd think, because you just make the one (or two or twenty) incident so large that everything else that ever goes wrong can be traced back to it.

Letting it go, otoh, is much, much harder. I think it has to be about realizing that what happened in the past is just that, past, and while it may have influence over your (generic) life now, it's not the only factor, nor was it ever, and blaming it (and the person) gives them way more power/control over you than they're worth (or ever had, in reality). It's about taking responsibility for your own choices/actions, I think, which is why it's so hard, because often it means owning the bad choices as well as the good ones.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

someone quoted an anne lamotte quote to me that i had quoted in here months ago: "Forgiveness means giving up all hope of having had a different past."

so true. and yet so hard to give up.

::sigh::

[wildgreentide.livejournal.com]

You mentioned this Anne Lamott quote (one of my favorites) in your journal a while back, and I thought I'd bring it up again to see if it helps, as it's helped me many times now: "Forgiveness means giving up all hope of having had a different past."

*hugs*

that's a really profound quote.

[hominidj.livejournal.com]

i have to think about that.

Re: that's a really profound quote.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

it is, isn't it? i'm tempted to dig up the sermon i stole it out of. i remember it was something along these lines - forgiveness being to the benefit of the forgiver, being a necessary part of moving on etc.

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

mmm. thanks for that reminder. ::hugs::