bulletproof squicks
Aug. 26th, 2003 10:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phineasjonesi think this is an interesting question.
in short, yes, i would potentially unfriend someone if something they wrote squicked me. but of course there are a million variables in any such situation.
first maybe i should point out that i have been unfriended for such a reason. back when![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
alexmalfoy attacked ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
thehandbasket, someone on my friendslist was all appalled and, i presume, noticed that i was a member - and had written for it - and unfriended me. and how do i feel about that? well, in a sense relieved. because i don't want someone who's judgmental in that way hanging around anyway. and also a little offended. my participation in that community certainly doesn't say very much about who i am and what i usually write. in fact, i keep my membership in that community for almost purely political reasons. i haven't read any of it in forever and i certainly haven't answered all of my own moral questions about it. but after that kerfluffle, i keep it on as a statement that i believe it has a right to be there.
as i believe about any community and any journal. but yeah, i might still unfriend someone for similar reasons. double standards, i know.
more likely is that i would not friend them in the first place. there have been a few cases that i've checked out the writing of people who have friended me and been squicked and decided not to friend them back. i see that as a preventative measure mostly. this way, we won't offend each other and no one has to feel bad.
i should probably point out what my squicks are: deathfic. not like, ron-dies-in-the-war fic but like, draco-slits-harry's-wrists-open-when-they're-lying-in-bed fic. any suicide fic. any rps death fic. and serious non-con. there is some... how shall i say? responsible non-con out there. where the situation is defined and set up in such a way that it is clear the author is not condoning rape. i might not read it, but i wouldn't worry much about it . but there's also stuff out there that might as well be titled 'rape is fun for everyone!' i have not-friended people who wrote that. and yeah, i would unfriend someone who wrote that.
just like i would unfriend someone who was homophobic or a raging conservative. they're allowed to think/write what they do, but i don't want to be associated with it in any way. and it's not that i want to be in a bubble or that i'm afraid of discussing these things... but that's not what my friends page is for.
which is probably just what the chick who unfriended me was thinking... and hey, makes sense. i would argue with her about the relative evil of the community, but i would defend her choice to unfriend me.
and then there's another level... people who are actually friends who write things that might squick me. i've mostly been talking about the casual friend... not someone i've had much interaction with. there are some people on my friends list who i like very much who occasionally write things that would probably squick the hell out of me. and i just look the other way. don't read them, don't comment. i have other reasons for having them as friends. though, knowing them all, i seriously doubt they would write my worst squicks. so, yeah, i'm still more or less consistent.
so, the real question was whether these things could be 'relationship breakers.' and maybe not. because the people i have 'relationships' with, i already have a degree of respect for. but 'casual acquaintanceship-breakers,' yeah, probably.
and besides squicks, there was also the question of pairings. no, i don't think i'd unfriend someone for reading/writing any particular pairing. though if that was all they did, i might not friend them in the first place. like they only ever talked and wrote about snape/lupin... yeah, not so much. or ginny in any het pairing. ok, really, any het pairing, ginny or no. snooze.
in short, yes, i would potentially unfriend someone if something they wrote squicked me. but of course there are a million variables in any such situation.
first maybe i should point out that i have been unfriended for such a reason. back when
alexmalfoy attacked thehandbasket, someone on my friendslist was all appalled and, i presume, noticed that i was a member - and had written for it - and unfriended me. and how do i feel about that? well, in a sense relieved. because i don't want someone who's judgmental in that way hanging around anyway. and also a little offended. my participation in that community certainly doesn't say very much about who i am and what i usually write. in fact, i keep my membership in that community for almost purely political reasons. i haven't read any of it in forever and i certainly haven't answered all of my own moral questions about it. but after that kerfluffle, i keep it on as a statement that i believe it has a right to be there. as i believe about any community and any journal. but yeah, i might still unfriend someone for similar reasons. double standards, i know.
more likely is that i would not friend them in the first place. there have been a few cases that i've checked out the writing of people who have friended me and been squicked and decided not to friend them back. i see that as a preventative measure mostly. this way, we won't offend each other and no one has to feel bad.
i should probably point out what my squicks are: deathfic. not like, ron-dies-in-the-war fic but like, draco-slits-harry's-wrists-open-when-they're-lying-in-bed fic. any suicide fic. any rps death fic. and serious non-con. there is some... how shall i say? responsible non-con out there. where the situation is defined and set up in such a way that it is clear the author is not condoning rape. i might not read it, but i wouldn't worry much about it . but there's also stuff out there that might as well be titled 'rape is fun for everyone!' i have not-friended people who wrote that. and yeah, i would unfriend someone who wrote that.
just like i would unfriend someone who was homophobic or a raging conservative. they're allowed to think/write what they do, but i don't want to be associated with it in any way. and it's not that i want to be in a bubble or that i'm afraid of discussing these things... but that's not what my friends page is for.
which is probably just what the chick who unfriended me was thinking... and hey, makes sense. i would argue with her about the relative evil of the community, but i would defend her choice to unfriend me.
and then there's another level... people who are actually friends who write things that might squick me. i've mostly been talking about the casual friend... not someone i've had much interaction with. there are some people on my friends list who i like very much who occasionally write things that would probably squick the hell out of me. and i just look the other way. don't read them, don't comment. i have other reasons for having them as friends. though, knowing them all, i seriously doubt they would write my worst squicks. so, yeah, i'm still more or less consistent.
so, the real question was whether these things could be 'relationship breakers.' and maybe not. because the people i have 'relationships' with, i already have a degree of respect for. but 'casual acquaintanceship-breakers,' yeah, probably.
and besides squicks, there was also the question of pairings. no, i don't think i'd unfriend someone for reading/writing any particular pairing. though if that was all they did, i might not friend them in the first place. like they only ever talked and wrote about snape/lupin... yeah, not so much. or ginny in any het pairing. ok, really, any het pairing, ginny or no. snooze.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-26 04:54 pm (UTC)*eyes you* Alright, I give. I can maybe possibly understand having someone friended for political reasons (though I think the entire idea is wtf-inducing), but how could being a member of a community possibly be political?
but there's also stuff out there that might as well be titled 'rape is fun for everyone!'
Really? Really? I mean, I've read some pretty bad stuff (and that's bad in the sense of wow, this author should throw their keyboard out the window), but I honestly don't recall having ever read anything that made rape seem like a joyous thing. Granted, I've read fics that were more like coerced consent, you know, like "oh don't do this, wait, do it harder!" but I think once it gets to that point it's no longer rapefic, is it? I think in that case it's more like the theory about rape fantasy, where it isn't that someone wants to get raped, but more that they get off on the idea of not being the one in control, and so not being responsible for giving into sexual pleasure. Or something along those lines, cos I'm going on general psych and the few Nancy Friday books I read years ago.
If you do have specific examples, though, feel free to throw them my way. I've read a lot "" of non-con in this fandom and I don't think I've read anything that sounds like what you've described.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-27 05:31 am (UTC)oh, i don't know. i'm sure, in this case, i'm the only one who even knows i'm a member. it's just... well this was the only time in my lj life that someone's pompous rant affected me... and i jumped into the fray of the resulting kerfluffle. (ok, not the only time, but one of only two). and so it's just a gesture, really, staying a member. is it political if no one notices? i dont' know. i've just chosen to throw my lot in with this camp. and i think overall it's possible to be a member of a community (like any group of people) for political reasons - even if mine in this particular case are a little odd - especially if the group is political in nature. which, given, the handbasket is not. but i see politics in everything.
ok, so you've called me on my choice of descriptions here. and no, there are not many fics that fit that. but yeah, i've come across a few. most in my bygone days of reading every little horrid bit of lotrips i could get my grubby paws on. i read some horrifying stuff back then.
but i guess what i'm talking about now... with the 'rape is fun for everyone' concept is a total lack of context and consequence. things i consider irresponsible. to repeat - things i consider irresponsible. i have never flamed anyone or started any fights or publicly attacked anyone. but yeah, i have a personal problem with it.
i dont have the best examples because i tend to flee when i hit them... but there are things like this (http://joyce.jteers.net/SQ/fics/alone.html)... which doesn't try to make it 'fun,' no, but the lack of consequence is there, the sort of eroticization of the act... making about f/g instead of the victim. problematic for me. and also this (http://joyce.jteers.net/SQ/fics/honour.html) by the same person (my remix author, oy) which i guess is supposed to be funny??? and is one like you mentioned - "oh don't do this, wait, do it harder!"... but he's being fucked with a broomstick. i don't know. it bothers me. i worry about these things, i can't help it.
oops, and now it's times for breakfast. *g*