bulletproof squicks
Aug. 26th, 2003 10:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phineasjonesi think this is an interesting question.
in short, yes, i would potentially unfriend someone if something they wrote squicked me. but of course there are a million variables in any such situation.
first maybe i should point out that i have been unfriended for such a reason. back when![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
alexmalfoy attacked ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
thehandbasket, someone on my friendslist was all appalled and, i presume, noticed that i was a member - and had written for it - and unfriended me. and how do i feel about that? well, in a sense relieved. because i don't want someone who's judgmental in that way hanging around anyway. and also a little offended. my participation in that community certainly doesn't say very much about who i am and what i usually write. in fact, i keep my membership in that community for almost purely political reasons. i haven't read any of it in forever and i certainly haven't answered all of my own moral questions about it. but after that kerfluffle, i keep it on as a statement that i believe it has a right to be there.
as i believe about any community and any journal. but yeah, i might still unfriend someone for similar reasons. double standards, i know.
more likely is that i would not friend them in the first place. there have been a few cases that i've checked out the writing of people who have friended me and been squicked and decided not to friend them back. i see that as a preventative measure mostly. this way, we won't offend each other and no one has to feel bad.
i should probably point out what my squicks are: deathfic. not like, ron-dies-in-the-war fic but like, draco-slits-harry's-wrists-open-when-they're-lying-in-bed fic. any suicide fic. any rps death fic. and serious non-con. there is some... how shall i say? responsible non-con out there. where the situation is defined and set up in such a way that it is clear the author is not condoning rape. i might not read it, but i wouldn't worry much about it . but there's also stuff out there that might as well be titled 'rape is fun for everyone!' i have not-friended people who wrote that. and yeah, i would unfriend someone who wrote that.
just like i would unfriend someone who was homophobic or a raging conservative. they're allowed to think/write what they do, but i don't want to be associated with it in any way. and it's not that i want to be in a bubble or that i'm afraid of discussing these things... but that's not what my friends page is for.
which is probably just what the chick who unfriended me was thinking... and hey, makes sense. i would argue with her about the relative evil of the community, but i would defend her choice to unfriend me.
and then there's another level... people who are actually friends who write things that might squick me. i've mostly been talking about the casual friend... not someone i've had much interaction with. there are some people on my friends list who i like very much who occasionally write things that would probably squick the hell out of me. and i just look the other way. don't read them, don't comment. i have other reasons for having them as friends. though, knowing them all, i seriously doubt they would write my worst squicks. so, yeah, i'm still more or less consistent.
so, the real question was whether these things could be 'relationship breakers.' and maybe not. because the people i have 'relationships' with, i already have a degree of respect for. but 'casual acquaintanceship-breakers,' yeah, probably.
and besides squicks, there was also the question of pairings. no, i don't think i'd unfriend someone for reading/writing any particular pairing. though if that was all they did, i might not friend them in the first place. like they only ever talked and wrote about snape/lupin... yeah, not so much. or ginny in any het pairing. ok, really, any het pairing, ginny or no. snooze.
in short, yes, i would potentially unfriend someone if something they wrote squicked me. but of course there are a million variables in any such situation.
first maybe i should point out that i have been unfriended for such a reason. back when
alexmalfoy attacked thehandbasket, someone on my friendslist was all appalled and, i presume, noticed that i was a member - and had written for it - and unfriended me. and how do i feel about that? well, in a sense relieved. because i don't want someone who's judgmental in that way hanging around anyway. and also a little offended. my participation in that community certainly doesn't say very much about who i am and what i usually write. in fact, i keep my membership in that community for almost purely political reasons. i haven't read any of it in forever and i certainly haven't answered all of my own moral questions about it. but after that kerfluffle, i keep it on as a statement that i believe it has a right to be there. as i believe about any community and any journal. but yeah, i might still unfriend someone for similar reasons. double standards, i know.
more likely is that i would not friend them in the first place. there have been a few cases that i've checked out the writing of people who have friended me and been squicked and decided not to friend them back. i see that as a preventative measure mostly. this way, we won't offend each other and no one has to feel bad.
i should probably point out what my squicks are: deathfic. not like, ron-dies-in-the-war fic but like, draco-slits-harry's-wrists-open-when-they're-lying-in-bed fic. any suicide fic. any rps death fic. and serious non-con. there is some... how shall i say? responsible non-con out there. where the situation is defined and set up in such a way that it is clear the author is not condoning rape. i might not read it, but i wouldn't worry much about it . but there's also stuff out there that might as well be titled 'rape is fun for everyone!' i have not-friended people who wrote that. and yeah, i would unfriend someone who wrote that.
just like i would unfriend someone who was homophobic or a raging conservative. they're allowed to think/write what they do, but i don't want to be associated with it in any way. and it's not that i want to be in a bubble or that i'm afraid of discussing these things... but that's not what my friends page is for.
which is probably just what the chick who unfriended me was thinking... and hey, makes sense. i would argue with her about the relative evil of the community, but i would defend her choice to unfriend me.
and then there's another level... people who are actually friends who write things that might squick me. i've mostly been talking about the casual friend... not someone i've had much interaction with. there are some people on my friends list who i like very much who occasionally write things that would probably squick the hell out of me. and i just look the other way. don't read them, don't comment. i have other reasons for having them as friends. though, knowing them all, i seriously doubt they would write my worst squicks. so, yeah, i'm still more or less consistent.
so, the real question was whether these things could be 'relationship breakers.' and maybe not. because the people i have 'relationships' with, i already have a degree of respect for. but 'casual acquaintanceship-breakers,' yeah, probably.
and besides squicks, there was also the question of pairings. no, i don't think i'd unfriend someone for reading/writing any particular pairing. though if that was all they did, i might not friend them in the first place. like they only ever talked and wrote about snape/lupin... yeah, not so much. or ginny in any het pairing. ok, really, any het pairing, ginny or no. snooze.
