(no subject)

[phineasjones]

+tv was so exciting last night. i watched lost, of course, and more episodes of s4 angel than i will admit in semi-public. i liked lost a lot. dom is the cutest thing ever and how funny that he was basically playing himself - from writing on his hands to being the band (cast) member who looks vaguely familiar but no one really recognizes. it was scarier than i expected - not having read or watched much about it. i liked kate. and i think musesfool is right that jack's a little too perfect. if he doesn't have some great flaw, he'll be a completely unbelievable character. but yes, i am successfully sucked in. since i will be in t'ai chi classes on wednesday nights, i probably wouldn't make the effort to see this show if DOM weren't in it, but if i were going to be home, i would watch it anyway. see where it goes at least.

+when i woke up this morning, no thoughts of hell or death came to mind. so i'm going to suggest that perhaps i have turned a corner with this cold. which would be really nice, yes, since i have to make the 2 hour drive today and lead the rehearsal and all that good stuff.

+oh, and thanks to semielliptical for pointing to deamus (in zahra's comments) where i found that dean/seamus story i was looking for. a seamus thing by atdelphi. i may have recced before. i still like it.

+i had some thoughts about my job situation this morning. part of why i get all panicky and stressed when my schedule fills up with work (especially crap work) is that... well, let me start this again. i know a lot of people who don't really know what they want to do and think if they could just figure that out, things would fall into place. not so much though, let me tell you. because i know what i want to do. and it's hard to find ways to do it. and in the mean time, i need income. so while i do the things that provide income, the other time i have is not free time, no, it is time i feel i should be using to get closer to that goal of 'what i want to do.' right now, i am in a particularly tough period psychologically because i have trouble getting myself to use that time well - so it's not free time but i'm not using it well, hence the guilt and stress. but even when the time is used well, it's exhausting (i think back to masters program applications and auditions when i was working full time and would leave work and go to practice/work on applications and get home at 10 or so at night. there was less guilt then, but there was plenty of stress and exhaustion).

anyway, what was my point? i guess just that i know all this. and i will be seeing a therapist soon. so maybe i'll be able to deal with it this time around. it could happen. right?

and also, i need to declare - in front of DOM and everyone - that when this 4 week job is up, i will have some other job of my own choosing lined up. something decent, something i will not hate with a fiery passion. something that pays a reasonable wage. and if i find it before the 4 weeks are up, even better. i don't want to deal with this kind of crap anymore. and i shouldn't. so. yes.

::chews fingernails::

Comments

[phineasjones.livejournal.com]

Mary Sue MacGyver!

ahahahaha! that's hilarious.