phineasjones | ron and draco. closeted. or not.

ok, the wee fic has been cleaned up and is ready for re-release. thanks to jenny.

title: Objectively Speaking
author: phineas
summary: This closet was definitely too small for two people. Especially when one was a Weasley.
rating: PG
disclaimer: these character's are not mine.
notes: this is for

kaalee - and overgrown prize for her winning TextSlash. many, many thanks to

starbuckle for beta.

Objectively Speaking

“Weasley. What are you doing in here?” Draco moved back further into the closet, pushing heavy woolen coats aside.

“Malfoy? Just my luck I’d duck into the one closet in the castle that has you in it.”

Draco was getting very warm very quickly. Draco hated being warm. This closet was definitely too small for two people. Especially when one was a Weasley. The wool coats were scratchy against his face. “Get the hell out of here, Weasel. You’re breathing my air.”

“And get caught by Filch? Not bloody likely.” There wasn’t much light seeping through the cracks around the door, but Draco was pretty sure Weasley was scowling at him.

“Well, push over then, I can’t breathe with you so close. You smell.”

“I do not smell!”

“Shhhhh!”

Weasley moved approximately half an inch away, not helping things at all. This was ridiculous. It was oppressive. There was no air, just a great mass of red-headed, freckled, tall, muscled Weasley. Draco could barely think straight.

He kicked out at what he hoped were Weasley’s shins. “Get your oddly attractive arse over to the other side of the blasted closet.”

After making an indignant little yelp, Weasley rustled around in the coats and then stilled suddenly. “Did you just call me attractive?”

“What?” He hadn’t, had he? Damn, it was far too warm and close in this closet. “No. Of course not.”

“Yes, you did. You said…”

“I did not and that’s final. Now go get your own closet, it’s too hot in here.”

“Just cast a cooling charm. And yes, you did.”

A cooling charm. How had Weasley thought of that when he hadn’t? And ‘yes, you did’? Did what? … Oh.

“Weasley, why on earth would I call you attractive?”

“Because you’re a great poof?”

“What?” Weasley didn’t know. He couldn’t.

“Shhhh!”

Draco was furious. This was his hiding place. Weasley had no right to be here in the first place, never mind accusing him of saying things he would never say. Even if, objectively speaking, Weasley was rather… fit. For a Weasley. And he had no right to be calling him things like… like that.

He was much smaller than Weasley but Draco was certain that he could push him out the closet door by sheer force of will if necessary. So he began shoving as hard as he could, flailing his legs and his arms at Weasley.

His flailing had the unfortunate effect of knocking the coats off their hangers. So Draco flailed more, trying to get himself out from under them.

“Wha… oof… hey! Erk.” Weasley was making a series of undignified noises.

There was a thud followed by a click and a sudden burst of light and Draco guessed Weasley must have knocked the door open. Good. As he reached out to pull it closed again, a hand caught his arm and yanked, hard.

He toppled out the door and onto the floor, several coats landing on top of him. No, he wasn't on the floor, it was softer and shifting and smelled nice.

Oh! It was Weasley. Damn him.

“Weasley!” he whispered in what he was sure was a threatening tone.

“See? I knew you were just trying to get on me.” Weasley was chuckling softly; it reverberated against Draco’s chest.

It was strange to see Weasley smiling while looking at him. Weasley had a nice mouth. Objectively speaking. It was very red, a little wide, and soft and pleasantly warm…

“Mmph,” said Weasley and when Draco realized why, he scrambled to sit up. He hadn’t just… but he had. Oh, what a night he was having.

“Malfoy…” Weasley started to say something but stopped when they both heard a noise at the end of the corridor. Was that a meow? They listened a moment, until they heard distant footsteps and they scrambled together to pile the coats back into the closet and climb in after them.

By the time they had pulled the door closed, they were fairly tangled. Weasley’s thigh was under Draco’s knee and Draco’s hand was propped against the wall by Weasley’s ear.

“Malfoy…”

“Can’t we just pretend I didn’t do that?” Draco sighed. “It’s been a bad night.”

Weasley giggled, of all things to do at a time like this. “Are you asking me to take pity on you?”

Damn. Draco should have known better than to show weakness. He should have come up with a clever excuse. Like… ‘I fell on your lips.’

“Malfoy…”

“I fell--“

“Malfoy.” Weasley clamped his hand over Draco’s mouth. Damn, even his hand smelled good. “It’s ok.”

“Hrnph?” Draco was not quite sure what he was trying to say, but that was how it came out against Weasley’s hand.

“It’s ok. Don’t worry. I won’t say anything.” He took his hand away.

“Oh, how very noble and Gryffindor of you. Right, like I’m about to let you hold that over my head for the rest of the year. Not likely. I’ll tell you- mmph.”

Weasley’s lips were really soft. ‘Supple,’ Draco’s brain suggested helpfully. And then his brain stopped making helpful suggestions. He scrunched up his knees to get closer to Weasley, who was doing a most pleasant thing with his teeth and tongue and Draco’s bottom lip.

Draco was just thinking how he was feeling rather hot again – and didn’t really mind – when he was hit with a blast of cool air.

Weasley, who had apparently been leaning against the door, toppled out of the closet. Draco, who had been leaning against Weasley, tumbled after him. He looked up to see a triumphant-looking Filch hovering above them. Damn him.

______________________________________

feedback is appreciated.