where the men used to be ducks

[phineasjones]

::sigh::

i expected this workshop to be exhausting. i didn't really expect the emotional roller coaster part. i don't even know how i feel about it all anymore. i don't feel like going into a detailed account of yesterday, but here are some ups and downs:

down: another group assignment (a barber piece) without anney and on a part way too low for me
up: i spoke up about it, my part was switched and anney was switched into the group (and G revealed that she was intentionally trying to keep us apart. 'you sing together all the time.' bwah? because we like to... and that's why we went to the seminar together.)
down: G told me i was being whiny. my response at the time was a wide-eyed stare. my response now would be 'fuck you. when i speak up for myself, i'm whining? asshole.)
up: once in the group, we rearranged the parts so that anney and i were in duet. ahhhhh.
up: this guy, robert, told me i have i beautiful voice. thanks, man, i needed that.
both: i was put in another group with great people but we were given a piece (machaut mass) that we had to sight-read while transposing up a 5th (and down an octave in my case). oy. i suck at that. so it sucked, but everyone was ok with that.
up: anney and i practiced the perotin conductus that we'll sing in a wee performance today. have i mentioned that i love singing with anney?
up: bob's interesting lecture on the development of medieval polyphony
down: we sang the barber in seminar and the comments were... not well expressed. 'i couldn't make out any words. if that bothers you, you might want to work on it.' or something sarcastic like that. and then later, 'when you decided to pay attention to the diction, it cleared up your vocal problems.' vocal problems? this comment was made generally at anney and me and we're both sure she was talking to us specifically. but we don't know, do we? because she didn't say who she was talking to or what the problems were.
down: we sang the first section of the bach motet and one of them had his asshole hand in the air before people even had a chance to applaud. he told us our tempo was all wrong - and it's not, butthead, it needs to be that tempo for the proportions to come out right - and yada yada. it's not that what he said wasn't ok, it's just that there was no constructive in his criticism.
down: my attitude when i left there.

the thing that frustrates me so is that these people who are there because they think singing is fun and want to be better at it are getting so much support and encouragement and attention. i would highly recommend this workshop for amateur singers. but they seem to think we in the advanced group have nerves of steel. not only that, but they don't do enough to work with us. G leaves us on our own so much that we have to wonder why we're paying them to give us a bunch of music that we're going to have to buy from them anyway. give us some fucking direction. i can take criticism, but i prefer that it be clear. i want to know what my 'vocal problems' are. and if they're paying any attention, it should clear that my nerves are killing me and maybe they could address that. or fucking anything. minus the uncalled for sarcasm.

yeah. so. i seem to have moved into an angry space. and i ought to go get dressed.

Comments

[starbuckle.livejournal.com]

wah!

:::gets defensive on your behalf:::

i heart you and am so sorry this is so frustrating.

can we make some playtime next week? will that help make it better?

:::hugs a lot:::