(no subject)

crap, am i still up? crap.

angel bored the stuffing out of me tonight. and next week's looks... i don't even know. whoa.

so, on monday after my disastrous conversation with the lady about the job, i e-mailed mr. man with the same question i had originally tried to ask - about where they are in their search process. he wrote back tonight. his e-mail is completely bizarre. he's all defensive about not being able to tell me anything. except that 'the search should be concluded within the next two weeks' which is all i was asking in the first place. man, i just don't know anymore. maybe he's being defensive because he knows his admin blabbed to me. maybe he's just a weirdo. but whatever. i was doing the thing you're supposed to do - coming up with some excuse to make contact after sending in the materials. i just don't understand his reaction. meh.

i don't understand much right now. i'm not, as they say, in a good place.

and i'm still having trouble finding good wes/gunn.

(no subject)

i could not have any less desire to get in the car and drive to work today. really, i don't think it would be possible. i fantasized about pretending to be sick but i can't deal with what it might mean for me to be avoiding the one good job i have. also, in a weekly rehearsal/performance cycle, missing one rehearsal is a killer.

the kitten's habit of rubbing her face against my face might be the cutest thing ever.

but still i just really don't know what to do about just how awful i'm feeling right now. it's debilitating and heavy and confusing and i don't really want to talk about it but mostly because i don't understand it yet. and i don't know what i'm going to do to fix it. my inclination to crawl into a hole doesn't seem particularly constructive.

gippiggippig

mangi fii. rekk.

with full acknowledgement that i get the 'friendshipper' thing from silviakundera's spike/buffy icon, i just need to say,

liek, omg, i ♥ camilla!!!one!!!

jj dearest

jjtaylor generated an amazingly appropriate haiku for me at the moment. so appropriate that it's kind of painful for me to read...

don't know when you need
a hug or when you need a
hug or when you need

jjtaylor also made my day by writing more snape on the bus. what is about these? i feel like it's the actual characters speaking and i find myself holding my breathe to read what they have to say. and it's extra gratifying to know boston - to imagine the river and the buses and... god, i love these.

ahaha. a haiku before heading home.

up and going early
in the church are putting on
a spare bit of doom