(no subject)

holy bejeezers. skip=300. done. phew. at a bit of a skim though, yes. i have a thousand links to go back to for reading or comment. really, i ought to be going to bed. but. hm. am not just yet. hee.

y'all were seriously prolific while i was away at heterofest 2003 (aka my friend's wedding). good on you.

friday: driving, hotel, vegan treats!

the drive to philly took about 6 hours and was fairly easy. there was traffic outside new york city but that was no surprise. we arrived at the hotel around 7... philly was familiar from our one visit years ago. i auditioned at temple in 2000. and actually i really wanted to go there but i was waitlisted and ended up at bu instead. i think i would have liked temple better... but what can you do?

when we checked in, they gave us a little bag that M (the groom)'s parents had put together for wedding party folks. it was bizarre - a little baggy of treats that come from pennsylvania... which is a nice thought but these were all things you could get at the rite aid across the street. like hershey's minis and bags of pretzels and chips and 'tasty kakes.' it was nice of them... just odd.

rach had looked up a vegan restaurant before we went so we decided to check it out for dinner. omg! yeah, the squee about this place could go on for pages and pages. their cheeze was soooooooo good. the sad part is that we just weren't as ravenous as we would have been if we hadn't been sitting in the car for 6 hours. but we ate 'cheese fries' and some of our cheesesteaks. and saved the rest for lunch the next day - along with a peanut butter cheesecake brownie (!!!). and we got soft serve (!!!again) on our way out that was... soft serve. like, seriously, coulda fooled me. no oats creme was this, oh no. yum.

yeah, so then, crazy party animals that we are, we went back to the hotel and watched tv until we fell asleep.

saturday: scandinavian goods, advice for non-vegans, cigar smoke

( longer ramblings here. i'll cut them for ya. )

sunday: primping, the wedding, advice to the non-queer

( ok, i'll cut part of this one )

but. yeah, there's a reason i called it heterofest 2003. i think a lot of people assumed rach was another bridesmaid most of the weekend (before the ceremony). at the rehearsal dinner, we had practically a boy table and a girl table. and there were all the jokes - 'the bridesmaid who eats that chicken head will be the first one to marry.' which was like, 'ha ha' the first time someone said it. but, you know, a comment like that, thoughtless and innocent as it may be, is exclusive in many ways. and in the photo sessions... there was the picture of M with all the bridesmaids where we were all supposed to pretend to kiss him. i just smiled.

the thing is, i know no one was being homophobic necessarily... but it's the assuming that hurts. this is my advice to the straight crowd and it's nothing new: never assume. it's those moments of assumption that make me feel like i'm on the outside, like those are not my people. because their view of the world doesn't include me - they look at me and see something that isn't really there. and it's hard, i know it is, to remember to include possibilities that are not yours. it's easier from a minority perspective - we're always aware of the other. it's everywhere. but it's an effort worth making... i feel like this is what 'pc' was before it was co-opted by the right and called 'pc' and used to make liberals look silly. really, it was an honest effort by people to include everyone - to the extent that it's possible. to not use language and assumptions to lock people out. because it happens. all the time. and i can sit there and be understanding... i know that the groomsmen probably don't know i'm a lesbian and might not care but i have to work at ignoring the things they say. it's all on me. they're blissfully ignorant. heh, ignorant - an appropriate word.

and so, we dance together and let everyone know. and it feels like rebellion. and then SB's mom says, hey, you guys look beautiful together and it feels like a party. like dancing with the person i love.

jonesing

viggooooooo on the brain today. curses to mcee for alerting me to the existence of viggo_daily. nnnng, the manly prettiness.

ok, but i'd better get some other stuff on the brain as well. work, specifically. eek.

did you catch that? that subtle scent on the air? it's an approaching nervous breakdown. run for cover!! nooooow!!!!