as it turns out, more me.
Oct. 27th, 2002 07:26 amtoday's sermon topic: "All God's Critters" - The Blessing of Animals in Our Lives. this has the potential to be a.) stupid b.)pointless c.) very frustrating from a vegan point of view. but i am consoled by singing listen to the lambs, which i like very much, and i have one of my sopranos singing the 'for i will consider my cat jeoffrey' solo from britten's rejoice in the lamb. and i have insufficient words for the bizarre gorgeousness of that piece.
about the middle of yesterday (given that i got up at 11) i turned into a big ball of crank. i think i've figured out the source of some of that crank. there are not many things that bother me more in this world than people who are not being nice. i could also use the words considerate and kind. and this probably bothers me because i live in fear of hurting other people. so why should other people do it when i'm trying so hard not to? but then... every once in a while, there's a day like yesterday when i just feel put upon by the weight of trying to be nice. not that i'm faking - 350 out of 365 days in a year, being nice comes fairly naturally. but not yesterday. yesterday i wanted everyone to leave me alone. i wanted to do my things and let other people do theirs and if anyone got in my way, i wanted to level them with nasty comments and such. but no. couldn't do any of that. had to pretend like it was any other day and hence was antisocial and whiny and cranky. had to be around people and watch them get all confused by my more-snarky-than-usual self. not my frickin fault. i would have gladly stayed in the study with the door closed all day long and no one would have had to suffer my mood.
it got better as the night went on. and the night did go on. til about 2 am. cards and tv and cooking risotto for tomorrow's dinner. see, even now i'm thinking, i hope![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
camillafarfalla doesn't take any of this personally. well, of course i hope she doesn't, but it would be nice not to be worrying about that at all. just thinking about me. me and what i'm feeling. what i want to do. which is write about this here.
uh oh. snark mode's not going to do me much good at church. ::deep breath::
about the middle of yesterday (given that i got up at 11) i turned into a big ball of crank. i think i've figured out the source of some of that crank. there are not many things that bother me more in this world than people who are not being nice. i could also use the words considerate and kind. and this probably bothers me because i live in fear of hurting other people. so why should other people do it when i'm trying so hard not to? but then... every once in a while, there's a day like yesterday when i just feel put upon by the weight of trying to be nice. not that i'm faking - 350 out of 365 days in a year, being nice comes fairly naturally. but not yesterday. yesterday i wanted everyone to leave me alone. i wanted to do my things and let other people do theirs and if anyone got in my way, i wanted to level them with nasty comments and such. but no. couldn't do any of that. had to pretend like it was any other day and hence was antisocial and whiny and cranky. had to be around people and watch them get all confused by my more-snarky-than-usual self. not my frickin fault. i would have gladly stayed in the study with the door closed all day long and no one would have had to suffer my mood.
it got better as the night went on. and the night did go on. til about 2 am. cards and tv and cooking risotto for tomorrow's dinner. see, even now i'm thinking, i hope
camillafarfalla doesn't take any of this personally. well, of course i hope she doesn't, but it would be nice not to be worrying about that at all. just thinking about me. me and what i'm feeling. what i want to do. which is write about this here. uh oh. snark mode's not going to do me much good at church. ::deep breath::