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phineasjonesi get flack for my love of the cold all winter long. but i get as excited for these bright warm days as the next girl. almost. i've babbled on extensively in this journal about the beauty and melancholy of autumn... but i find there to be a certain melancholy to spring as well. i was pondering why just now, and had to sit and write it, even though i should be on my way to lexington right now.
i think it's a little sad to me that winter is ending... and unlike summer, winter is ugly when it ends. dirty melting snow and starkly bare trees and as many relentlessly grey days as there are bright and sunny ones. and we all get overexcited and go out in less clothing than is temperature-appropriate and shiver. whereas in autumn, we layer up and maybe we have to take some layers off... but we're comfortable.
it's my new year - my birthday being on the first day of spring - and that always bring up thoughts of what's passed and what is coming. those are not necessarily sad thoughts... but certainly not all happy. it has an ending and a new beginning in it... those are scary things to someone like me, not knowing where i'm going, what i'm doing.
and we sort of joke about march being an awful month for my family - me being the exception, we always say cheerily. it was 23 years ago today that my mother's mother died. she was 54. clearly, i never knew her very well. but that's always made me sad. and it was 8 years ago that andrew, my brother, died.
i tend not to be thinking of these things when i'm outside, inhaling the smell of dirt on the air, squinting into the sunlight and feeling that little tug in my chest that means melancholy. but of course they're there. andrew, especially. his absence is part of what this time of year means to me.
i love spring. but it's scary. while autumn feels like a time of letting things go and retreating inside to cozy up to what heat and people you can find, spring is open and outward and full of chances and opportunities. those things are mostly good, but they've always scared me. and there have been times when spring has meant devastation. it's hard to forget that.
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-03-17 08:26 am (UTC)may your hands always be busy, may your feet always be swift, may you have a firm foundation when the winds of changes shift...
not completely relevant to your post but i think it's comforting bc things do seem to change an awful lot in the spring. the whole song's pretty cheezy, but it makes me feel like i can make something out of this sunny day!
Re:
Date: 2003-03-20 06:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-03-17 08:41 am (UTC)october is my month of remembrances, so i'll think of that (and those people i've loved and lost) as i hold your hand in march.
:::loves:::
Re:
Date: 2003-03-20 06:10 am (UTC)::hugs::
(no subject)
Date: 2003-03-20 10:38 am (UTC)(sings: that's what friends are for! in good times, and bad times, i'll be on your side forever more, that's what friends are forrrrrr!)
the sadness of spring
Date: 2003-03-17 08:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-03-17 10:13 am (UTC)::thinks about you and spring::
At a teary loss, no less.
Thanks for this. Eloquent and open and touching. I feel like I understand now.
::loves you. lots::
Re:
Date: 2003-03-20 06:09 am (UTC)big ones.
spring
Date: 2003-03-17 11:00 am (UTC)Re: spring
Date: 2003-03-20 06:08 am (UTC)::hugs::
(no subject)
Date: 2003-03-17 02:56 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-03-20 06:07 am (UTC)