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Apr. 17th, 2007 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phineasjonesok, one last post and them i'm really going to go to school. really.
yesterday, i watched mountie on the bounty (yes, again). and some things struck me for the first time. not that omg, this is the most fantastically goofball show ever. that's old news. and not that ckr is just unfathomably beautiful. i knew that. nope, this was--
i have a particular love for the episodes that come after MotB. because i feel like there's a dramatic change in ray's attitude toward fraser after that. the teasing and cuteness is still there but their relationship is so much deeper, more settled. ray's immense trust in fraser and his incredible devotion to him are clearly, painfully evident. the love ray is feeling/suffering from is plain to see and i love watching it.
but i've often been a little wistfully sad that you can't see the same thing in fraser. i mean, of course not, because he's fraser, right? but... i want something. and yesterday i realized i was just looking in the wrong place. fraser's reveal comes before ray's. it's in MotB, not after it. it's just so startlingly obvious in these eps that he doesn't want to dissolve this partnership. and that he's hurt that ray does. he's hurt when ray hits him, and moreso when he hits ray. and he's so relieved when ray agrees to work one more case. but... it never struck me before yesterday how all those decisions are in ray's hands. fraser wants to stay with ray, he wants to work this case but ray has found the one thing he can hold over fraser, the one thing that tips the power balance in their relationship his way. and i think he really has no idea that he's dangling it like a carrot and fraser is a very hungry little bunny. (sorry. i amuse myself.)
and it makes the whole logic/instinct thing less corny and more moving when i watch fraser struggling with that part of himself and realizing, if he can't change, if he can't let go, just a little bit, he will lose ray. and it won't have anything to do with the punching. it will just be his own fault. and i think he can't have gone through that whole thing without admitting to himself how much he wants and needs ray. and god, how scary must that be for fraser, given his history?
ok, i suppose none of this was particularly earth-shattering. but it was a new understanding for me. i love fraser more and more as time goes on.
yesterday, i watched mountie on the bounty (yes, again). and some things struck me for the first time. not that omg, this is the most fantastically goofball show ever. that's old news. and not that ckr is just unfathomably beautiful. i knew that. nope, this was--
i have a particular love for the episodes that come after MotB. because i feel like there's a dramatic change in ray's attitude toward fraser after that. the teasing and cuteness is still there but their relationship is so much deeper, more settled. ray's immense trust in fraser and his incredible devotion to him are clearly, painfully evident. the love ray is feeling/suffering from is plain to see and i love watching it.
but i've often been a little wistfully sad that you can't see the same thing in fraser. i mean, of course not, because he's fraser, right? but... i want something. and yesterday i realized i was just looking in the wrong place. fraser's reveal comes before ray's. it's in MotB, not after it. it's just so startlingly obvious in these eps that he doesn't want to dissolve this partnership. and that he's hurt that ray does. he's hurt when ray hits him, and moreso when he hits ray. and he's so relieved when ray agrees to work one more case. but... it never struck me before yesterday how all those decisions are in ray's hands. fraser wants to stay with ray, he wants to work this case but ray has found the one thing he can hold over fraser, the one thing that tips the power balance in their relationship his way. and i think he really has no idea that he's dangling it like a carrot and fraser is a very hungry little bunny. (sorry. i amuse myself.)
and it makes the whole logic/instinct thing less corny and more moving when i watch fraser struggling with that part of himself and realizing, if he can't change, if he can't let go, just a little bit, he will lose ray. and it won't have anything to do with the punching. it will just be his own fault. and i think he can't have gone through that whole thing without admitting to himself how much he wants and needs ray. and god, how scary must that be for fraser, given his history?
ok, i suppose none of this was particularly earth-shattering. but it was a new understanding for me. i love fraser more and more as time goes on.
