there is nothing at all disrespectful about this question. i've just been putting off answering because it requires thought and that's like, you know, hard work.
i didn't mean to say that i feel like any talk about weddings and marriage in inherently offensive. of course if you're relating your own experience and such, you should just tell it as it is and was. what is so frustrating and disheartening is when the assumption is made that marriage/boy-girl love is the plan for everyone around you (the general 'you' - i've never heard you do this). it has a couple of levels, really. i mean, there's the hetero assumption that is extremely frustration but then also the assumption that marriage is everyone's goal (this especially happens to women, i think). sometimes it's painful because queers are denied the right to marry but there's also the fact that lots of people don't want to marry. the whole institution of marriage is tied up in traditions that some people would rather be rid of. i, personally, probably will do something marriage-like one day, but i get frustrated when people assume it's in the life plan.
so, how to talk about it without offending? i guess all i can say is to be aware (which i imagine you, a sensitive individual, would be) that not everyone shares your experience - not everyone can or wants to. no matter who you're talking to - because you never really know. i don't know how helpful that is, but i'm still figuring this stuff our for myself too.
Re: ignorant
Date: 2003-09-13 08:46 am (UTC)i didn't mean to say that i feel like any talk about weddings and marriage in inherently offensive. of course if you're relating your own experience and such, you should just tell it as it is and was. what is so frustrating and disheartening is when the assumption is made that marriage/boy-girl love is the plan for everyone around you (the general 'you' - i've never heard you do this). it has a couple of levels, really. i mean, there's the hetero assumption that is extremely frustration but then also the assumption that marriage is everyone's goal (this especially happens to women, i think). sometimes it's painful because queers are denied the right to marry but there's also the fact that lots of people don't want to marry. the whole institution of marriage is tied up in traditions that some people would rather be rid of. i, personally, probably will do something marriage-like one day, but i get frustrated when people assume it's in the life plan.
so, how to talk about it without offending? i guess all i can say is to be aware (which i imagine you, a sensitive individual, would be) that not everyone shares your experience - not everyone can or wants to. no matter who you're talking to - because you never really know. i don't know how helpful that is, but i'm still figuring this stuff our for myself too.
thanks for asking.