so. i promised this post. now i have to figure out what it is i wanted to say.
i have been more than just out of the hp loop lately. i have been in other, far distant loops. once upon a time, i used to say that i couldn't really get into fanfic based on tv shows. that i was more a book or movie fanfic kind of gal. ahahaha. right. then there was sga. and
then, there was due south.
thing is, i was primed and ready for new fandoms a little over a year ago. and why was that? because, truly, i had fallen out of love with hp. and why was that? i believe that was a direct result of book 6. which... to be honest, i don't even remember in great detail at this point. it's the only hp book i've read only once. i remember two things clearly; the sense of yuckiness and dread i had when i finished reading it and the catastrofuck that was remus/tonks.
to be clear here, i am not fundamentally opposed to tonks or to remus/tonks. before this book, i liked tonks a lot. and i don't want remus to suffer forever if he has a chance at happiness. really, i don't. but what jkr did with them in that book is... inexcusable. trashy. crappy. poop. it makes me angry to think about it, even now. and i don't blame myself for needing a break from hp. because, yeah, i know my otp thing is a bit over the top. but it's there. and my emotional response to these characters is huge. HUGE. so... i felt manipulated and abused after reading book 6. and i can take the responsibility for being overly attached to characters in a supposed children's book. sure. but it doesn't change the way i feel.
but what this post is supposed to be about is how suddenly i've started thinking about hp again. for several reasons.
1.
this horrifying picture, brought to my attention by
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hominidj. ::scrubs brain::
2. um. july 21. (brought to my attention by
anabelwumpkins - that's how out of it i am! i didn't even know!) it's coming and there's nothing i can do to stop it. i am
terrified to read the last book. i do not trust that woman. AT ALL.
3. discussing in comments the pain of loving sirius/remus with
mrsronweasley4.
dorrie6's new (renewed?)
obsession with remus. i haven't read those fics yet. but i'm going to. i can feel it coming.
5. last thursday, i was a wreck. a week's worth of not enough sleep compiled to make me an emotional basket case. in this state, i was driving to school and listening to regina spektor's new album on which she has a version of the song samson. which will always be about sirius and remus for me. thanks to
jjtaylor and the heartbreaking fic she wrote, inspired by that song. so, i started to think about that. and i started to cry. goddammit. i haven't cried over those boys in so long. and in my new fandom, my beloved new fandom due south, there can be a HAPPY ENDING. hear that jkr??? it makes me think maybe it wasn't only the craptasticness of what jkr did in book 6 that sent me away, but also the unending pain of loving sirius/remus. in the beginning - you know, around books 3 and 4 - it was good pain. pain that could turn around into bittersweet goodness. and then it just plummeted further and further into the pit of despair. a girl needs a break from that, doesn't she?
for your reference:
samson by regina spektor (from
songs, my preferred version)
your hair was long when we first met - heart-rending fic by
jjtaylorso all this leaves me with a tentative desire to read sirius/remus again. sort of. i can't decide what sirius/remus i would want to read. what era? what... outlook? i mean, we're at a point with them in which reading a happy ending-fic is really no happier than a tragic one. it all ends the same anyway. doesn't it? and here it comes, the final word. july 21. will we hear from sirius in any way? will remus up and get married? die? what? oh, right and then there's this kid named harry...
