Jun. 5th, 2013

phineasjones: (until your lungs give out)

i have been absent from these parts for a while. tumblr is the internet-based entity most responsible for that, but there are plenty of other things too, most significant among them being willa, my 19 month old (OMG WHAT HOW DID THAT HAPPEN) daughter. but tumblr doesn't really satisfy all my internet-ish needs, so here i am again. i would like to get back to both reading and writing here, i hope that happens the way i intend it to.

so, right now, a brief catch-up. here are some major categories and how things are going. i would love to know how any/all of these are going for you too, if you feel inclined to chat about them.

i've missed you, lj/dw peeps.

family: my family is amazing. willa is so much fun at this age. she is bursting with cuteness ALL THE TIME. she talks (sometimes even in little sentences, like "buster sit lap!") and walks and runs and dances and sings and plays and hugs and is such an opinionated little person it's unbelievable. i honestly and truly love her more every single day. she has bffs - cora and elsa - and even plays interactively though that's not expected at this developmental stage.

and willa will soon have a little brother. rachael just hit her third trimester. she's been doing pretty well but the two biggest frustrations with her pregnancy have been pain (so much - her lower back, her sides, her upper abdomen, heartbearn, TOO MUCH) and an anterior placenta which makes it so she can't feel the baby move which causes a lot of anxiety. all these things seem to be improving, which is great, but it hasn't been a super easy pregnancy.

and some days and i am completely terrified at the prospect of another baby/child in this house. willa took over our lives and reordered our priorities in a way i knew was coming but could not have fully understood until it happened. yesterday, instead of her usual 90 minute - 2 1/2 hour nap, she slept for 40 minutes in my arms and wouldn't go back to sleep. that was to be the only time that day i would have to myself. i went a little crazy when i didn't get that time. it's such a weird thing to live with - i love her more than ANYTHING and when i'm not with her i think about her and miss her all the time. but some of the days i am with her constantly, all i want is 30 minutes to shut down my brain and be by myself. what will this be like with TWO tiny dictators in the house? i really can barely imagine.

work/school: complicaaated. i am quitting one of my two jobs. the one that has been making me a little bit miserable. my hours at the other job were almost doubled. this is all actually much more complicated that this, but i made a whole post just about that, so i won't go into it again. the result - i will be working only at my church job after this june, and for more hours than i used to work. and i hope very very much that this will give me time to work on finishing my degree. i've started working and i know it will be slow going, i'm just hoping it will really happen. for the months of july and august, i am not employed at all. so i'm hoping to a.) get a lot of work done and b.) not go completely broke. cross your fingers for me.

fandom: i am consumer-only and have beeb for quite a while. that makes me sad sometimes, but i just don't see it as a possible that i would have the time or brainpower to contribute anything. what i am consuming at the moment is teeeeeen wolfffffff. of the derek/stiles variety, mostly. so i watched the s3 premiere and was in general happy with it (not everything, but most thing. not kali's claw-feet, though, i am not into that). i have more thoughts, but i said i was going to keep this brief. haha.

mental health: this has been kind of ok? kind of. but unreliably so. i'm seeing an ADHD coach right now and i love her and she's very helpful but i'm having that supremely annoying trouble with sticking to plans that drives me MAD. so i just decided that it's time to get back on some drugs. celexa first and then i'll dig in to the fight to see if i can get some stimulants prescribed. all i have to do to get celexa is e-mail my doc. amazing.

but yeah, even thought i'm getting by ok from day to day, i'm not making much progress and i know i could be doing a lot better. also i have bad days and i hate hate hate to be really down around willa. i know it isn't great for her so that's even more motivation to get some help. as is a second baby coming and the new stresses (and delights, of course) that will bring.

so yeah, some days are great and some days i just can't see the good things around me. i would really like to have fewer of those days.

and that, in brief, is the state of me. how are you?

(holy moly, i need an entire set of new icons.)


phineasjones: (Default)

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