phineasjones: (salt shaker)
[personal profile] phineasjones
Okay, so. I’ve been gone from here. But I need here right now, so I’m back.

A few updates:

1. Tomorrow Rachael will be at 37 weeks in her pregnancy, which makes today the day in my pregnancy when I went to the hospital to begin the induction that led to Willa being born. WHAT. Tomorrow she’ll be at term. She could have the baby at any time, though we’re hoping he holds on until something like week 41. We have shit to do.

2. I can run! I did a couch to five K running program and it kind of worked. Kind of because it was based on time and I’m a slow runner so what I actually worked up to is slightly under five K, about 2.five miles. And I can do it. I can run that entire distance in one go. This is a first for me and I’m exceeding proud of it. (my five key is broken, btw)

3. Willa is almost 22 months old. She is amazing and brilliant and strong. I feel so lucky every day that she is my daughter. Even when she’s exhausting me like yesterday morning when we went to Target and she ran around like and insane puppy on crack. I actually lost her twice. She just ran so fast and got lost among the racks. And I had heart attacks. I left the store covered in sweat and breathing heavily. She is a force to be reckoned with.

4. This pregnancy has been hard on Rachael, and on me. Rachael has been in a lot of pain for a lot of the pregnancy. She has a lot of swelling, a painful diastasis, pubic symphisis dysfunction, lower back pain… you name it. She should get most of the sympathy but in my weaker moments, I feel a little bad for myself for having to pick up all the slack left by her being out of commission so often. The hardest part of that is being the one who gets up for all of Willa’s wakings, which have been happening with renewed frequency these last few weeks. I’m really tired. And trying to be the sane one while Rachael’s hormones send her emotions into a tailspin… that’s not easy for me either. But I’m trying.

5. A good example of my current state is what happened last night/this morning. Willa has been waking up 1-3 times a night for the last couple weeks and generally, I go into her room, she tells me to lie down with her and it takes anywhere from a few minutes to and hour to get her sleeping again. There was one night it took 3 hours, but that’s not the norm. So, this morning, I woke to Willa’s voice from the monitor, “Mommy, lie down! Mommy, lie down!” which means she wants me in her bed with her. I sweat I looked at the clock and saw it was 3 something, then went to her room. Her ‘it’s ok to come in mommy and mama’s room now’ light was on and I though that was weird, that we must have left it on last night. And turned it off. I lay with Willa for more than 30 minutes, soothing her, singing to her, rubbing her feet, all while killing my hip because her tiny bed doesn’t have room for my butt so it hangs off the edge. I went to pee at one point, and though it was odd, how much light there seemed to be outside. Back in her room, I checked my phone on saw that it was five forty. She can come into our bed and nurse any time after five. That’s why her light was on. That why she was so awake. I have no idea how I decided it was three o’clock. Later in the morning, I set a timer so I would get up on time, and never turned it on. Making breakfast, I left the pan heating until the butter was brown, crushed two eggs in my hand instead of cracking them, etc ,etc. My brain has left the building.

So that’s a little bit of where I am right now. There is another post forming in my head that I will make shortly, about how I plan to fix my entire life in one week (hahaha yeah I know) (but, really).
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phineasjones

August 2013

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